Awakening

each day you wake up 150,000 others don't
each morning, you haven't been visited by he Who Helps

one day he will be your guest from Third Heaven
and you will be his host, generous

a shape shifter of light, with faces and thousands of wings
recording and erasing as he goes, arrivals and departures

but he doesn't seek your hospitality
he summons your soul

four years and four months later...

stupid me
to think you would conduct yourself with dignity

Sing it Nina ;)

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel

Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, dont you know
Butterflies all havin fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
Thats what I mean

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

And Im feeling good

It's dark in there

something is broken now
too much been said
to wipe it clean somehow

darkness abounds
heaviness weighs my heart
round and round and round

note to self

"A-mama, ba7ebet."

Chapter One

 

Amsheer. He was born in the desert, on the first day of that stormy month known as Amsheer.

He was born in that moment when time is still. When the air has been yellow and unbreathable, and then the manic rains fall, cleansing the earth and all that dwell upon it. That silent moment in between when the sun hangs as a sullen disc of rock, and when its life is returned to it - burning dust and breaking hearts; the giver of life and its foretold reaper.

How exquisite he was, unlike any other. He bore no resemblance to any of his kin; it was as if he had been born to the desert herself, that she and her unceasing bedfellow, the night, were the sole providers of his genes. 

His father winced as Amsheer was bundled into his arms. He had caught a glimpse of golden hair stained with blood in the eruption of activity that had surrounded his wife’s limp and lonely body. Now, on closer inspection, he found himself peering into a pair of raven eyes. 

He lamented. He looked from this unfamiliar child, this strange fruit, to the naked body of his lost wife, and he lamented. The price paid for life to find this child was too heavy.

In the place of congratulations, the abrasive palm of condolence was now grasping his hand. In the place of the long anticipated celebrations, there would be an immediate funeral. 

In the place of love, a bearable numbness grew within his chest. 

As the wails of affliction rose to meet with a greeting of thunder from the sky, he placed the newborn on the sand beneath his feet and looked away. He resolved never to look into those eyes again. 

Thus the child was named Amsheer, in his father’s mind the harbinger of storms and sorrow.

WTF?

x - are you seeing someone?

- (hysteria) if i wanted to fucking cheat on you, i wouldve done it years ago

x - lets not part with hate

- i dont hold any hard feelings towards you

x - good, thats all i want. but wear this like an earring, like a necklace around your neck; even after we part, you still have a partner - for life. even though i wont talk to you. you'll feel i dont
care, but i will. i wont call, i'll wait for you to call. we're two good people, the two of us, and we shouldnt lose each other.

- erm..we have a son..

x - apart from that, we should stick together, cause we're both good people.

- you never said that about me before

x - yes i did, you just never heard me

- no, you never said that to me before

x - well you are a good person, you love better, you treat people better, than i do. just so that this is clear, we're divorcing? just so i am not assuming anything, we're divorcing, not seperating?

- yes

x - consider yourself divorced, as of now.